Hope Is A Good Thing

May 8, 2020

“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
                   – The Shawshank Redemption

Last week, I was exchanging text messages with my friend Mark about meeting up for golf.   We’ve been fortunate in Connecticut that golf courses never shut down in March.  Our state golf association smartly went to the State Department of Economic Development to propose safety measures every golf course would put in place if they could stay open.  It was smart because they were proactive and by working together, all of the courses in Connecticut could align on one approach to stay in business.  Playing over the last several weeks has shown that golf is as safe (if not safer) as walking in a park, and definitely safer than sitting in a park with a crowd.  The courses have spaced out tee times, discouraged the use of golf carts (if needed, only one rider per cart), the restaurants are only open for take-out, the club houses are closed, payment is made online or over the phone in advance, they have modified greens so people don’t need to reach into the hole to get their ball, they have instructed players not to touch the flagsticks, removed rakes from the bunkers, and removed ball washing machines from the tee boxes.  It’s very easy to practice social distancing on a golf course and I am thankful that it has provided some normalcy once a week with my friends, even if we no longer travel to the course together anymore.

Back to my text exchange.  At the end, Mark wondered if we’d be able to make our annual golf trip to Vermont in August.  Four of us (Mark, Ron, Doug and I) have traveled to Killington each year for over a decade for a great weekend of golf, cards, trash talking, and a lot of fun.  We’re fortunate that my aunt and uncle generously let us use their condo, which is right on the mountain and minutes from the golf courses.  There have been countless memories from those weekends – one of my (least) favorite was missing a 2 foot putt for a lot of money on the 5^th hole at Green Mountain National, but at least I provided my friends with a comical moment we always come back to, especially Mark (literally) falling on the ground laughing.  And missing a short putt is now defined as “Mahoney’ing it.”  I told Mark that I wasn’t ready to think about August yet – there are too many things to worry about before then.  And I can only let my brain process a few things each week at a time and I can’t let my brain go to August yet.  I’ve found myself hanging on to hope wherever I can, which brings us to this week’s topic.

The Class of 2020

In the grand scheme of things, these are not “big” problems.  We are healthy, we are not facing a financial crisis, and we are managing ok week to week.  But these last few weeks have been a challenge for our family.  Many of you know that 2020 is a celebratory year for our family, as our son graduates from college this week and our daughter graduates from high school next month.  Unfortunately, like all students across the country, their school year went up in smoke in March.  They have been managing through distance learning ok, focusing on getting across the finish line, but the toughest part has been the celebratory nature of graduation.  Both of them are taking the next step of adulthood, and we’ve all experienced that last semester of high school and college, where you cling to the time with your friends, the special moments of Spring Break trips, parties, proms, class days, and of course, graduation.  It’s one thing to go through the last few months knowing that it is coming to an end, but to have the rug pulled out from under you with no notice is tough to process.  Luckily, both of our kids have maintained a great attitude, not complaining, and counting their blessings.  They are fortunate to have their next steps already figured out, but are practical to realize that it likely won’t be as they had imagined.  But they’ll adapt and move forward.

So, where are we clinging to hope?  For us, it’s about a graduation ceremony.  You’ve probably been reading articles and videos online about creative graduation celebrations – car parades, virtual parties, backyard ceremonies, Youtube videos from celebrities, etc.  While those gestures are nice, we’re holding out hope each of our kids can have an actual graduation – we don’t care if it is delayed or modified to be safer than a typical graduation.  We were surprised there was so much coverage about alternative celebrations the last few weeks – our feeling was “Why are we giving up?  Maybe we can have a different type of ceremony in June, July, or August.  What’s the rush to cancel events that are months away?”  A few days later, we learned of a playbook that was created by a parents group that would allow all high schools in our state to have a safe graduation ceremony.  They created a statewide petition to our governor that we are hopeful will be approved.  Our son’s college has committed to celebrating the senior class with a ceremony, hopefully in the fall.  We have many friends who are in the same position, so we are keeping hope alive for all of the kids in the Class of 2020.  That’s all you can do in these crazy times.

Speaking of the Class of 2020

OK, I will start off by saying this is shameful promotion.  Over the last few months, I’ve provided a number of movie, music and book recommendations.  This week I thought I would highlight a few local bands that have music you can listen to on Itunes, Spotify and Youtube.  Some of these bands usually play bars and clubs, but are unable to now, so they are missing out on the joy of playing music together.  If you’re looking for some new music, please consider giving these bands a listen:

• Nautical Term – My son plays guitar and writes a lot of music for this group, which released their self-titled EP in November.

• Justin Chan & The Vices – A very talented group of musicians, who also recently released an EP, titled Hard to Please.  My son plays keys in this band.  (Notice a pattern here?)

• Flight of Silence – More of a harder rock sound from this band, which includes some musicians who also play in the Vices.  My son joined this band about a year ago and plays guitar. 

• Righteous Continental – Another rock band, with some musicians who also play in the Vices.

• the amnesiacs and the amnesiacs – This group of high-schoolers released an EP called Baldspots a few months ago.  My daughter sings on a few of their songs.

• McLovins / Jake Huffman – The McLovins were originally a group of high-school musicians in Connecticut that I heard about from a good friend that I worked with (her son Jake was the singer and drummer).  Their last two albums (Beautiful Lights in 2014 and McLovins in 2015) are excellent.  Jake is now doing some solo music and releasing new songs on Youtube.  Very talented group of musicians here.

This Week’s Moments of Happiness

After watching The Beastie Boys Story last week, I connected with Ben, an old friend from college and the best man at our wedding.  Ben was a huge fan of the band and their third album, Check Your Head, came out the year we became good friends while living across the hall in our dorm at UMass.  I remember HATING the Beastie Boys, my only experience being their initial radio songs, like Fight for Your Right (to Party).  What I learned from Ben that year was that they were actually very talented musicians who could use their abilities to create unique songs that pulled from all types of music – rap, rock, jazz, funk, and R&B.  It really opened my eyes (and ears) to new types of music and I gained a lot of respect for the band for taking risks and exploring different ways to be creative.  Years later I was fortunate to join Ben at a Prince concert, which was an amazing experience – yet another example of an artist who could create unique music that was influenced by different styles.

As I was thinking about these memories, I also remembered how much I hated the early days of sampling, which was in the late 1980s / early 1990s.  I thought musicians who did this were lazy and stealing from other artists.  What I failed to see was how the musicians were taking a lick or a beat from one song and transforming it into a completely different idea.  I now have a much greater appreciation for that skillset as a musician.  In fact, I was thinking that this ability carries over to what my favorite band (Dave Matthews Band) does sometimes in their live concerts.  Here are a few examples. 

The band has frequently played two songs (So Much to Say and Too Much) together during their live shows, while connecting the two songs with a short instrumental jam called Anyone Seen the Bridge?, which provides a connective thread throughout the whole sequence.  In 2004, the day after Rick James died, the band instead connected the two songs with a cover of James’s hit Super Freak.  It was a neat tribute and very cool to hear.  Here is a video of that performance on Youtube.  They did this again in 2012 to pay tribute to Beastie Boys founding member Adam Yauch, who had recently passed away, by playing a portion of their song Brass Monkey.  Here is a clip of that one. 

The last example was one of the best concert going experiences I ever had.  Last year, my son and I made the trip to Saratoga Springs, NY to see the band for two nights at SPAC, a fantastic amphitheater to see a show.  Each year DMB brings something special to the fans at SPAC and last year was no different.  On the first night, they played Jimi Thing, a song from their 1994 breakout album Under the Table and Dreaming.  Over the years, the band tried different things during the outro – sometimes it was an original jam, for a while they played For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield and for the last several years, they finished with Prince’s Sexy M.F.  I’ve grown tired of the song, so I kind of groaned when it began, but nonetheless enjoyed seeing the band play.  When they got to the part where they would transition into the jam, they suddenly started playing the guitar beat to ACDC’s Back in Black and the crowd went crazy.  But instead of singing the lyrics to that song, Dave started singing the Bee Gees’ Stayin’ Alive over the music to Back in Black.  As many concerts as I have been to, I can only think of a few “Wow!” moments, and this was one of them.  They then transitioned into Fly Like an Eagle by Steve Miller Band to finish the song.  You can see a video of this creative mashup here. I just love bands taking chances like this and you can see how much fun they are having on stage.  After the song is over, Dave tells the crowd, “Thank you so much for letting us fuck around.”  It was definitely a concert memory I will remember for a long time and a reminder of how creative musicians can incorporate other artists’ work into their own music and put their own stamp on it.

A Final Word

I am going to close out this week’s post with a small Public Service Announcement.  May is Mental Health Awareness Month and this pandemic is bringing to light not only the physical consequences, but the mental impacts of what we are all going through.  Stress, loneliness, anxiety, loss, and depression can all be amplified by our new normal.  My former employer was at the forefront of highlighting the importance of treating mental illness, and eliminating the stigma of suffering from mental illness.  The President of that company recently posted an article highlighting the work they are doing in this time, calling mental illness the coming “second wave” and the “invisible undertow” of the first wave of the pandemic.  It was a good reminder that we can’t always see when someone is struggling, and it is even harder given how disconnected we all are right now.  So, my ask is this – if you are able to, please take time each day to reach out to a friend or family member, just to check in and say hello, see how they are doing and ask if they need to talk. 

Thanks again for reading, have a great weekend and Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there.